Monday, August 5, 2013

this week has been a lesson in charity.
sometimes we get to a point where being nice and freely giving of our selves becomes no longer easy or doable but like hard work and even a struggle.  the thoughts of what I want to get done and where I want to go and what I want to teach sometimes take over and I loose sight of what is really important. 
yes there are many lessons that I can learn out here but approaching them from that perspective of looking into a mirror as to how everything reflects on me is not a productive way to look at things.  it leads to selfishness, self pity, and self centered ness.  I need to stop looking for that reward of doing a good deed, shouldn't the deed be reward in and of itself?  shouldn't I feel happy when other people feel happy? and rather than trying to do things that I think will make me happier I should just do things that make other people happier.
the days where I get upset that my companion is helpless without a gps or guide (me) to help her anywhere or the times I get frustrated when I don't get to finish a letter or the days when that stupid 5 BX workout program just won't go away are the days I struggle, those are the days when I cannot for some reason, by choice or by attitude look farther than the tip of my own nose to stop being so concerned by things that just shouldn't matter and yet do to some people! (including me) why do we struggle so much to let stupid little things go? why is it so much work to just choose to be happy? 
I know for myself that I struggle the most when I make this work my work.  because It isn't.  If I were to leave, the work of salvation would continue on, would hasten regardless, because "no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing."  including mine. the only way that anyone is to change their lives and themselves is by listening to the counsel of God himself.  in Mosiah chapter three verse 19 we learn it again " for the natural man is an enemy to god and has been since the fall of adam and will be forever and ever, unless he yields himself to the holy spirit and putteth off the natural man, and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the father seeth fit to inflict upon  him, even as a child doth submit to his father."
haha funny thought, once in my mission preparation class we were talking about humility and the professor said to the tune of a primary song I think most of us will naturally remember, "if you're humble and you know it then you're not." 
as in the book of mormon it is easy for us to fall into a cycle of pride. but, the way we brake it is through choosing to humble ourselves, alma taught 'blessed are they who humble themselves, without being compelled to be humble, or rather, blessed is he that believeth... without being brought to know the word, or even compelled to know before they will believe.'  and as the people in helaman's day demonstrated in the face of severe persecution, even within the proverbial walls of the church,  'Nevertheless the did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility and firmer and firmer in their faith of christ, unto the filling of their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God.'
so I just need to do that.
sorry for using this email as an extension of my personal study, I think I needed to do a little self examination.  and I feel better now!  the scriptures are great. I love them. so i'ma get off my soap box now and go be happy.
I'm going to seriously try to write some letters today, I know I've said it like a million times, but really I need to write you people!  D:
I love you all,
ps: some pictures from before the sisters in our district peaced out.

No comments:

Post a Comment